The Toxic Cycle of Perfection-Shame and How To Break It | EP#41 | Stay Real With Amber | Amber Hawken | MINDFULNESS COGNITIVE BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY

We aren’t here to f–k spiders, as we say here in Australia, which generally speaking means, “I’m not here to waste time”.

And perfectionism is a hell of a time, energy and life waster.

I feel now more than ever, the need to drill into the depths of your mind, that perfection is an illusion. It actually, does not exist. It is a made up story in your mind. An false ideal, that it is possible to be just one half of a whole. But guess what guys…There is a yin and a yang for a reason. We as humans, are a balance of duality. Perfect and imperfect.

You cannot have one without the other and the reason that perfectionism leaves you feeling so empty, it because you are always trying to find wholeness – by only being half of yourself.


“Perfectionism blocks self-knowledge. It is the antithesis of self-compassion, too. When we carry an unidentified belief that who we are isn’t good enough, we become powerless. We have no sense of self. We cannot know ourselves, because we spend our life trying not to be ourselves based on the faulty and dangerous judgment, formed way back in our early childhood under circumstances that were out of our control, that who we are is something to be ashamed of—something to run away from.

Knowing ourselves, we get autonomy. That’s where so much magic happens. That’s how we heal.” Claire Diane

In this episodes, I connect that deep sense of ‘not enough’ to the unrealistic ideal of perfectionism – and help you realise it’s a thought pattern that you need to give up.

One of the worst distractions presented to us on a daily basis is the notion that anything less than perfection equates to failure.

Perfectionism, which breeds shame, stops us falling deeply in love in relationships, giving ourselves the gift of health through exercise. It sabotages creative projects (which are the birthplace of true inner peace and fulfillment) and writes the excuses that keep us in the rat race.

It’s the trigger of hopelessness and anxiety when the pieces of the perfect puzzle don’t all fit into place (so yes, a constant state of hopelessness and anxiety).

The ideal of perfection is lofty, and also unreachable.

The belief that perfection actually exists and that it’s a tangible goal to work towards, subconsciously creates and proliferates shame deep within us. A sense of “I am wrong”. And as long as you have shame, you will never feel good enough. Therefore, living a life with the goal, or desire to be perfect, is the exact thought patterns and behaviour that leave you feeling like you are not good enough.

Stop chasing perfection and start chasing authenticity, vulnerability and love of your yin and your yang.

You are so fucking perfect right now, flaws and all.

That’s the damn truth.

Comment below and let me know, what’s your new truth about perfection? About you? Have you had to overcome this little life sucker, if so how?

Love, Ambz