The Paradox of The Fear of The Unknown | EP #42 | Stay Real With Amber | Amber Hawken | MINDFULNESS COGNITIVE BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY

Calling all secret control- freaks (or not so secret).
Have you ever wondered why going after something we want can be so stressful? I mean it’s like the lyrics in John Mellencamps song of the same name, “hurt so good”.

We stress out, we sabotage, become overwhelmed and anxious about how it all looks, when it’s going to happen and has the potential to turn into a cacophony of personal disappointment and shame.

And, did you know that the holy grail of the soul is to let go, surrender and live with vulnerable courage.
Yeh, that’s right. The complete opposite of what our inner control freak is always seeking.
So what to do about this old age conflict of fear v fulfillment? It can be tough man, when what we really truly desire is in un chartered waters and we have a mind constantly on the search for familiarity and safety shouting criticism and judgment at us:

“You suck Amber, why haven’t you finished already”.

“There you go again, munching through another cocoa bar when you are trying to tone those thighs up”

“Dude, you are 27, get your life together”.

Our primitive brain is on a constant hunt for pleasure (and avoiding pain), control and ‘figuring it all out’.

And our soul is always on a mission for growth, evolution and expression.

The goals of each are conflicting – Control V Mystery respectively.

What this means is, that something which can be so enlightening and soul satisfying, such as a grand business plan or relationship can turn into an emotional roller coaster, because anything that requires growth, falls into the category of uncontrollable. So the mind goes into meltdown whenever something doesn’t ‘go to plan’. Our inspiring goal we are moving towards, turns into a self deprecating battle.

Our primitive mind in it’s effort to maintain stability and fixed outcomes creates inner conflict and suffering, experienced by us all as stress, anxiety and depression.

If you try and avoid the unavoidable, you’ll end up suffering. This is what makes the unknown so despicable to many. We feel if we ‘don’t know’, cannot predict or have no control over outcomes – that it’s a ‘bad thing’. It’s the ‘fear’ the holds us all back.

But everything is just a perception, right? Our emotions react to the thoughts we feed, and everything only ever means the meaning we assign to it. We can change the meaning by changing our thoughts. Which means we can shift our emotional experience from fear, to inspiration, if you know how.

What you’ll learn in this episode is how to make the unknown your b-tch and be able to work towards grandeur soul fulfilling plans by reversing how your brain looks at growth, vulnerability and ‘not knowing’.

Hopefully, you’ll then find stepping outside that comfort zone something that lures and excites you, instead of blocks you.


After you watch, I want you to comment below with the first action you are going to take. What fear are going to flip on your head?


PS Remember, the fear of the unknown will always be there. It’s engrained into us for survival. But your awareness around it and practice of re-framing it in your mind, will allow you to walk boldly towards it.

Love you long time.