The Mind Lies | Amber Hawken Dip. Mindfulness CBT
The mind lies,
Its primary job is to protect us from pain.
IMPORTANT: if you’d like to skip ahead for the retreat information, scroll to the bottom.
Last year it sold out in 11 days.
Back to it.
When we have emotions rise in our bodies such as fear, sadness or anger the mind has simple protective mechanisms to move away from them; blame, deflection and analysis; I feel like this because of X, Y or Z. Basically a reasoning of sorts. Because just like all thoughts, if we can reason something, it gives us a false sense of being in control.
These reasons, more often than not, are quite literally just a story. Albeit a good and justified one, but a story nonetheless.
A story that prevents us from being able to allow the emotion that was awakened in the interaction to rise and release. And I say rise because an intense emotional reaction is generally due to an unprocessed experience of the past and / or a part of the collective unconscious (our fears) we can all do our part in shedding. Either way, it’s rising up to come out; and the stories prevent the healing to occur.
So what’s this story look like in real life?
Example.
Jenny from work shared with you some critical feedback about your latest work. It triggered a sense of unworthiness in you (don’t worry, you smiled and held it together, thanking her. Inside, you were dying a little). Now, you weren’t conscious that it was “unworthiness/fear of not being enough” that arose in you. It just felt like a punch in the guts. I’m sure you can relate?
The mind was right onto it, ready to take you away from the intensity, to safety. All you heard in your head was how Jenny is ‘such a know it all’. ‘She could have been nicer, she actually needs to take the advice she’s giving, what a cow’. Are you following? It finds something or someone to pin the feeling on. BUT, the feeling, that energy, it’s in you, and it’s got wisdom for you.
Let’s try another example. A real one.
I was coaching a client a few months back and she was in a distressed state. Her home situation was incredibly challenging and she was telling me about what was going on. She was 100 mile an hour, crying and explaining each person’s role; and the clash in values, crossing of boundaries and the struggles of her mixed family. I gently interrupted after two minutes.
“Sammy, pause for a moment. What you’re sharing is important to me. What you’re feeling is real and valid. But as you know, I care not for your story, only for what you feel. Take a breath, let’s get you into your body.”
For about 20 minutes we used breath and guidance to release the emotion. Most of the time she was in silence, sometimes with tears streaming. Most of the work is in staying when the mind wants to run and resisting the urge to go back into the story.
Before this exercise, she was so certain that her son and family who expected so much of her were the cause of her anxieties and depression. That they were the problem and they needed to change.
After the emotion was released, I ask her now what was coming up, what did she see now?
“I’ve been neglecting myself and giving with the expectation that I will be loved if I do everything for everyone. I’ve taught everyone I will say yes, so they keep on asking. I haven’t set boundaries. I didn’t respect myself, so they didn’t have to.”
Ahhh. The truth.
It can only be seen, felt and embodied when we are willing to face and feel within. It sounds painful and scary but truly it’s very simple and efficient work. It’s fast, it’s deep and its transformational.
We went into where she learned this and shifted a little more energy and emotion from many years ago, which means our energy and mind can come back into balance and we know how to act and live from integrity. Limiting beliefs can be released and shifted at the drop of a hat when we clear ourselves emotionally with our presence.
Now the thoughts about what or why you feel what you feel at any given moment may or may not be true for you and quite valid. But, they’re still taking your attention away from your emotions, which is truly an opportunity waiting for you, juicy and alive with potential transformation.
We can live with stories, repeat patterns and sabotage for years if we avoid and stay in our heads. Getting comfortable with discomfort is the capacity to pause and be with these waves of intensity and not go into the story or react impulsively, striking out at another. Emotions cloud the mind, so when we release, we gain clarity. When we have clarity, we respond from a place of sovereignty. We can express what we feel, communicate boundaries from a place of power rather than feeling victim and most of all, dissolve what arose and heal the deeper source.
Most adults are exceptionally emotionally immature, and this keeps alive our co-dependency on others and need for validation, and feeds a sense of disempowerment and fear.
I talk about self connection being the antidote to sabotage, self doubt, shame, withholding your gifts, giving away your power and feeling unworthy of an exceptional life.
I believe each and every one of us has an individual expression of ourselves that we are here to access and living from that organically brings light and supports others to do the same. When we resist discomfort, our lives become a series of learned habits to avoid our sore spots, trying to change others, living inauthentically, giving away our power and playing small. A sense of lack or emptiness sits underneath our mental noise and it’s a life of settling for just being, ‘okay’.
The purpose is to embody and align with your highest expression and continue to grow, evolve and just by being you, bring light to the lives of every person you meet in your own unique way. This work is everyone’s work, and I’m deeply passionate about empowering people to do this, self guided. To become sovereign in your existence, free from relying on and searching for answers.
This is why I run my Alchemy Retreats.
To create a space for four days and three nights with people committed to this life. A close and powerful group connecting, shedding, cathartically release, opening hearts, self realising their truest expression and purpose, clearing blocked energies, re-programming a life of freedom and stepping into their power. My alchemy retreats are by far the most rewarding work because these women have real time cellular shifts that last a lifetime.
I work with healers, teachers, powerful entrepreneurs, CEOs, mothers (this doesn’t require a powerful adjective, it is one), wellness leaders who are serious about integrity. Which means they understand that doing the work on themselves is by far the most important thing they can do as someone who holds space and serves others.
Join me here.
Experience a sense of self connection and purpose that carries into every area of your life including relationships, career, wellbeing and money. When we raise your vibration, you raise your thinking, your emotions and your actions. We raise your life.
It’s the definition of spiritual and literal wealth from the inside out. An energetic upgrade, emotional mastery, exceptional mental poise, dangerously calm confidence and joy that permeates from within into all you do.
We come together in the hinterlands of the Sunshine Coast for four days and three nights. It’s not just a retreat, you are learning a new way of being, and it’s not just four days. We begin a month before hand and the support continues a month afterwards.
The investment is not three nights away, it’s a lifetime of excellence at an energetic level. The pre-work is begun a month before hand with Ayurvedic guidance for clearing your body and mind and the post-work is VIP support from me in an online group with LIVE Q+A’s done for you, integration tools and techniques and a hand over of practices to embed into your daily rituals that you’ll have the confidence to use whenever needed, for the rest of your life.
It’s change beyond recognition. And there are only 16 spaces available.
February 27th – March 1st 2020. Sunshine Coast at Amara Retreat.
You can apply right here, (right now… *que, Fat Boy Slim*)
I have to warn you, the work is deep, and we have a LOT of fun. I don’t believe the work needs to be serious. I don’t believe it needs to be hard. My team of guides, teachers and healers who show up and take you through a series of different workshops and sacred ceremonies are of the utmost highest quality beings. We’ve got you from start to finish. And this year, I’ve taken it next level, Alchemy Upgraded has arrived.
Each time I run an Alchemy program there is a certain theme based on where the energy of life and people are and the energy right now is POWERFUL ACTION. We do what we need to do during these four days and teach you exactly how to take powerful, purposeful, calm and grounded action in your life. This is about you living on purpose in practical ways, knowing how you are the creator of your world. Mastering the elements of energy, thought, feeling, breath, body, movement, intention and action to live and exist in integrity.
Four days together of cellular, transformational shifts, to unlock your full potential as a sovereign being who leads from a place of empowered clarity, cultivating a mindset of long-term, sustainable success, and freedom of thought – for life. Did I mention the land is sacred, the location is on rolling hinterlands and there is a pool and steam room and you are fed delicious organic whole food the entire time?
My last retreat sold out in 11 days. Secure your spot here.
I cannot wait.
Speak soon,
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FEEL FREE: Cultivate the Skill of Emotional Regulation and Release
This practice is one of the most underestimated of all foundational practices when it comes to personal power because it teaches you that you can actually handle your own feelings. It will support you to cultivate the art of staying with rather than running from feeling and sensation. It's emotional black belt kinda’ stuff.
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I first met Amber at a mediation session run by this most amazing man and gentle soul Kurt. One of the girls in the session said to Amber, I follow you on Instagram – to be honest I didn’t know Amber at all (yes I was quite embarrassed)
I found out more about what Amber does and how she helps everyone find themselves again in this crazy world we live in.
I was an erratic, chaotic woman who just came out of a long relationship, has young adult children but didn’t know where or how I fit in anymore. I was lost and angry and sad all wrapped into one.
Having Amber to guide me through all of this and past incidences in life … well, wow, this amazing woman honestly saved me from going down a dark path and showed me how beautiful I am (yes, I can say that now) and how strong and capable of doing anything I want in life.
Most importantly, she held me accountable… no smokes and mirrors here – it’s real, at times confronting but a whole damn lot of rewarding