“If You Think You’re Enlightened, Go Spend a Week with Your Family.” – Ram Dass
The holidays can be especially triggering for us as we’re traditionally surrounded by family dynamics we get to avoid the rest of the year.
If you are feeling run down, stressed out, emotional and overall flustered, this will help. 100000%.
This is how we create anxiety in ourselves, be that during holidays or life in general:
We focus on things we cannot control.
We worry about what everyone else is doing, will think about what we do, or potential reactions based on things we have not even done. Essentially, we get all up in our heads and run through worst case scenarios.
We fill up our spare time, instantly. As soon as there is space, we think, “Oohhh good, let me fill it up.” (We hate to be still; it means we have to feel our feelings, face stuff, and be with ourselves).
OR we spend spare time doing something that helps us “switch off” – so it seems, but really it’s simply a was to numb ourselves. Movies, food, we think they help us rest, but really, they’re an escape. It’s understandable, but on an emotional level, it’s no good. As we don’t process, we don’t have space to integrate any changes, reflect on life, our actions, and what is working in our lives and what is not.
So, we load up our do to lists and place incredibly ludicrous expectations on ourselves during high-stress periods.
This tends to create a big self-disconnect. And that, my friends, creates a deep sense of, “Who am I?” or, “Am I doing enough?” This disconnect drives a lot of the above and also makes us doubt ourselves. We lack confidence and boundaries. We can’t say no when we really want to say no; we aren’t assertive. We take things personally. We essentially give away our power.
So, the core problems really are:
We are stressed and busy.
We’re overwhelmed and pulled by things that feel so urgent, but mostly aren’t.
We are on fast forward; we forget a lot.
We are snappy at our loved ones, and we let anxiety creep in and our ugly self really comes out. We feel tired and have no emotional buffers.
We become the not so nice version of ourselves and it sucks. We also train our loved ones to react to us in this state, and that is a fear state. Then it triggers them to react and everyone is just reacting to everyone, and no one feels loved, wanted, validated, or connected. Friendships, work connections and relationships break down.
So, what’s the solution?
We need to calm ourselves so we can become more effective. It is possible to still get everything done but with less stress and busy-ness. We can even – ENJOY – the to dos Who would have thought?
We need clarity. Not just on a deep level of “Who am I?” but we must learn to define what is important to us. What are your top priorities right now? Is it the kids, bills, groceries, business, or perhaps actually dropping it all and prioritising family – or yourself? Clarity in our mind allows us to handle the fears, the worry, the thoughts running through our minds, and separate the rubbish from what’s really true. Most of our struggles in life and self are a result of believing every thought that we have. Check in. Are you listening to that babble of the mind and giving it life?
And finally, find your confidence. We give away our power because we are in our heads, and our minds are moving a billion miles an hour. We feel scattered; all our attention goes towards trying to control the outside world, and we forget ourselves. We forget who we are. We forget what is really important, and we then return to a default of, “What will make me feel safe and secure right now? How can I receive love?” These thought processes are not conscious, of course. What it looks like in real life is saying yes, people pleasing, fearing judgment, overworking, or whatever you learned to do when you were young to receive love and validation. We are really just kids, replaying our childhood patterns over and over again (until we become aware, of course).
Long story short – I made this to help with this cycle.
So, go for your life. Enjoy!