“Open when you want to close”, I have said in the past. If you ever followed this advice, I empathise and admit, I am an asshole. Because this work is very fucking uncomfortable.
You know when you go through a breakup or someone close to you passes and your heart literally HURTS? Like your chest aches and your throat tightens and your belly churns? Do you want to know why? Because healing the heart means stripping the layers of protection off and letting it be touched by the world. It hurts.
Like when the blister bursts and the little bubble rips off and it kinda stings just from the breeze. Yah. That is the beginning of a heart opening. It means feeling it all and allowing the world to strip you down to the bare bones so that you realise that the walls you had built only kept you apart from love and kept others out, instead of protecting you. It made you tough and hard. It made you poised, but rigid. And then you learn, you’ve got to feel it all and let it make you wither and worm until you finally get it. Stop struggling. Stop, just sit with it and then guess what, it won’t control you anymore.
The funny thing is, when you dive as deep into your heart as I have been, exploring realms of consciousness, heart, mind and the good old dry as fuck and spectacularly messy experience of being a human; The moments of clarity feel different than they ever did. I think I have been waiting to feel ON again and after some time, I’ve realised – Oh no, this is flow. It’s just here now.
When you shift and change at such a rapid rates and your work and life are so intertwined, it can feel like how a wave is with the ocean. Sometimes you’re the wave feeling a little disconnected and alone; at other times you’re the ocean feeling whole and powerful, and then sometimes you’re the surfer who was just dumped by the biggest mother-fucking-wave of your life and there is coral in your leg, and you’re rollin’ in the barrels wondering when you’re going to be able to surface for air. Oh, and, there is a shark swimming at you. Yep, there’s all of that.
Where we want to be in life is not just cruising as the ocean, but as all three. And simply learning not to freak the fuck out when you’re the surfer getting dumped. That’s mastery.
Sure, learn to surf, but learn to be still in the chaos so you can see exactly what you need to do next. Those moments show you more about life and yourself than you could ever read in a book or learn at a seminar.
What I have been realising is that as human beings, we are complex in many ways but also so very simple. After a few thousand hours of exploring people’s mental and emotional insides, you start to see the patterns and you end up realising – All places lead back home. Home within. So go within. Do the work. Centre yourself. Live from there.
The only variations are the different styles and flavours of self-defensive mechanisms we have to move through discomfort. Be it a struggle with surrender, a desire to control, the want for more and more and more, the discomfort with stillness, the blocks around expression, the numbness to pleasure, the fear of power, the guards against love, the lack of humility, the disconnection from something bigger than who you think you are, etc, etc.
I have a little audio here to share with you that was never made public. I made it as a gift for those who were applying to work with me during a launch in October 2017! I found it the other day and realised how relevant it was to my life, the ever unfolding cascade of experience and evolution. I wanted to share it with you to remind you – You’re never behind in Life.
Listen to the audio training here: